If you didn't notice, on the right hand side here is a link of what pics have been going up in my Facebook account. It should update automatically as I add things so even if you don't use Facebook you can check it out via the link at right.

I've started playing a Dungeons & Dragons campaign with some new gaming friends at Zama. I'll also be 30 in just over a month. I suppose you are never too old to have fun and play games. At least I hope not. Some of the guys in the group are in their 50s, some in their late teens. Its an interesting group. I'm starting to think that gamers have a bad rep as socially inept. Sure, some are, but about as many as you meet in any other group. I think the "nerd" stigma simply makes it easy to draw that conclusion when people outside the gaming culture just dont get it.

Oh, I applied for a Job on Zama as the Adult Sports director. I'm super qualified but I know its going to be hard to break past the internal applicants. We shall see...

Oh, and I started playing Dead Island. Its really good! If you like killing zombies and open world shenanigans this is a game for you. just be sure to turn on "analog fighting" in the options. Its much more fun to hack at zombies with direct analog control!

The best thing about coming home from the philippines has been my baby. I mean, just look at him...

Isn't that awesome? He has a tooth coming in up front. Tiny little thing that won't be able to do much until it gets some neighbors.

So I'm thinking of doing two things. One is starting a business. Maybe to get young kids into shape and maybe to teach them english while playing games and running around. Maybe combining those two things. I don't know.

The other thing is I want to write a piece for Ramped Magazine on the rise and fall of paintball in Japan. I need a writing project before I go crazy. Not doing anything creative has been something causing my general funk I think. Work is on autopilot and family time takes up most of my spare time. 40k is on temporary hold as is paintball until my financials get back in order. This might be just the thing to get me back on track as a productive member of society.

Yoshiko and I have been struggling to find time for each other. With both of us working, then taking care of Jake at home, its hard to know when we are supposed to. I don't come home until sometime around 1900, then its all baby time until he goes to sleep at around 2030 or 2100.

At 2100 all either Yoshiko or I want to do is nothing. Well, its the easiest thing to do anyhow. I find myself being confronted about not doing enough. I know its more a feeling about perceived inequality, sleep depravation, and a slight case of "the grass is always greener". Its hard to know how to respond though. Most nights I choose deference and distance.

Jake is breast feeding, which means I don't get to feed him at night. Which means all the loss of sleep goes to Yoshiko. I offer help, but its turned down every time. Yoshiko and I both have weekends off now, but I have been practicing for an upcoming tournament every Sunday this month. This leaves Yoshiko home alone with Jake. She is happy with him, but it takes its toll. I don't think she really understood how hard it was going to be.

This weekend I'm going to be home both days, but for some reason I don't think its going to help. I'll probably hear "yes, but you are going to be gone for 5 days next week." Its true. I will be gone. Even so, when I come back and stay at home all weekend with Jake I don't think it will count for much.

The most frustrating thing is being able to sympathise with someone, but not being believed. I hear complaints from one couple or another all the time about this very issue. She doesn't care, he is never happy, I can never do enough. Most of those are simply two people not being able to look past themselves and appreciate another's contributions or progress. For some reason we discount loved ones.

My solution now is to shut up and try harder. It isn't working, but I think it might be more of a long fuse plan. I think if I can give Yoshiko time on her weekends it may help. I don't know. I really need to work on her lack of sleep. Jake gets up often at night. I need to simply force her to let me feed him some nights. Breast milk is good, but it wont kill him to have formulae.

This is all tempered by him of course. His smile disolves any attempted arguments. His personality is changing every day. He is learning and doing things at such an increadible rate. He is almost 7 months old.

But the internet is not for complaints and cute babies (ok, that is what it seems like, but I know better) it is for possibility and change. I'm starting to believe that people really do shape the world with their minds. Think it, and it happens. I think Adam Carolla calls it the "great magnet" theory. It is why when you mention something obscure, say Mexican Wrestling, you are almost guaranteed to have it come up 3 or 4 times in the same week.

So I continue to expect things to work out. The baby will start to sleep, Yoshiko and I will find time for each other, and my boss will get transferred to someplace terrible. Its bound to happen and I can help it happen by trying.

Thanks great magnet!

I am a homeowner. I am a husband. I am a father. I'm proud of all these things but I'm sure I could be doing better. Each day is unlike the last but somehow comfortably the same. The thing that endures, perseveres, and motivates has been my wife. Increasingly the number one reason I do anything and everything. Without her these 10 years I would be something entirely different. She has made me who I am, and is the reason I continue to be.

I love you Yoshiko. These ten years have been amazing. I wouldn't have wanted to do it with anyone else.

Happy Anniversary

So yeah, no update, but no need to worry.

More news when I get back to work.